I am now in the top20s for 1 in a million. I thought I was gonna be as happy like the time I was in ATQ. ATQ was something that wakes me up from my mundane self, and showed me a lot of opportunities I have not seen before. I was young, exploring the possibilities that could change my life. I was totally engrossed into it, and the temptation of the world is so strong. I was far away from God and it's like my whole being is revolved only around ATQ, and ATQ alone.

               That was when fame and popularity caught me. Probably too much to make people worried, especially to the ones closest to me. I can't blame them for being worried again when I'm in 1 in a million. I can't assure them I will not be like the last time in ATQ. Thing's change. I am sure that I will not be, for now, but things can change. So I rather not assure them. I will try my best not to put myself too much into the world.

                Normally, I would feel very excited if i get through this far, but this time? I don't think so. It almost cost me my happiness. I didn't know it is so hard to stand firm on my own decisions. I didn't know that it could cost my happiness. Perhaps I'm not strong enough to persist. Perhaps, the music industry is not for me. Perhaps, this is God's planning for me. I do not what has He installed for me. All i can do is, to listen to Him, and honour Him. Perhaps i should spend more time with Him to listen to Him. I know that through Him, everything will fall into place.

The Lord is my only hope...

                     Somehow, he's not feeling assured of me, is it my attitude that makes him feel this way? Or is it just him that had been influenced by the past of insecuredness..How many times have I repeated myself, how many times did i re-assured and re-assured him of things, and it still doesn't work.

Maybe I've let him down before, but i think pursuing my passion is something so much i wanna go for. And I can't give it up just like that. He was persistent to stop me from going for it by all means, and I had to give in to it, which i realised later on that it wasn't possible for me. Ok, then I continued to pursue for it. And he told me I'm not honouring my words. But wouldn't he do the same if I stop him by all means of his passion? He told me he never quit fishing, and it is gonna be the same for me. But he told me it's not the same coz he's not earning a living for his passion. But it is still a passion, rite??

"If one couldn't find his/her happiness, then one has to find for some other satisfaction to content themselves with." For me, i think i've found that happiness. As long as God honours it, I know it would be a blessing in my life. Passion will still be part of my life, but it will not overtake that happiness. Like I always said,  I wouldn't wanna take the path that is not of God's plan.

All I need is just a lil' more time.......please?